I may have barely come out alive, but the school year is finally over. Now on to the ever-stimulating summer pastime... the Family Swim School. At least I always have a place to come back to, is what I keep telling myself, but judging by the success of my collegiate career, I may not be leaving anytime soon.
So here is how the story goes. I am excited to go to school and to devote my time to learning and pursuing the things I love, but then in a predictable twist of fate, I find that I am not a functional person and I struggle to do just that: function. A no-go though (at least I can rhyme). So I come out at the other end sad, exhausted, fat, and with a horrible GPA.
I have always worked very hard in school, but I have always had success. I didn't think it was possible for me to fail at something I put every effort into, as cocky as that sounds. But I did. Sure I laugh it off, and make fun of the thirty pounds of joy that have come back with me from the experience, but I am still hurt by the feeling of failure. I don't know what reality I was living in, but I thought that I would be exempt from this. I was wrong.
As our dear pal Lucy would point out: "See this face? This is a failure face. It has failure written all over it"
As our dear pal Lucy would point out: "See this face? This is a failure face. It has failure written all over it"
But even though the experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth I think it was necessary. I am proud of surviving as long as I did and thankful to all of the people who helped me do it. I made wonderful and important friendships that have been more healing than any drug I have been prescribed. I have had a mother who has had to deal with the most high-maintenance college student in the history of man, who calls at least once a day needing a significant dose of mom pep-talking. I have a dad who sacrificed having a car for a year so that I would be able to have an easier time adjusting to the middle of nowhere, and who also financed this expensive flop and now doesn't even get the good-student car insurance discount. Ouch.
This chronicle of my collegiate time thus-far may seem like a horrible failure to the empirical on-looker, but I have now decided to count it as my most painful and necessary success.
And we actually did have some fun.
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5 comments:
Hannah, you're a treasure. And it was a victory, because you're here to write about it. Now you'll have good artistic material forever, and when you finally get to see the big picture someday, all the pieces will fit. Believe it.
Hey, it is Annie but too lazy to log out and then back in. . .come hang out with us or travel sometime. Wish you had free NW travel still, oh well. We would love some time with you!! Love, Annie
jake says, first of all, we are glad you're back to blogging!
about having to come home from college: i understand completely, duke. it is lame, no doubt. i also understand having to go to normandale for a semester or two to get yourself together. it is less lame than you think, i actually quite enjoyed myself there!
about that pesky 30 pounds: let jillian take care of that for you. you now need to get two more of her dvds, banish fat boost metabolism and no more trouble zones.
you will come out of this, do not fear!
Hannah, I say that a little failed class is totally worth it if you have some fabulous pictures to show for it! You are so gorgeous! Just keep that positive attitude.
well, it just takes me a month and a half to realize that your blog sabbatical is over. i wonder how long 'til you realize that i've left a comment.
anyhoo, sorry for your hardship; glad there were some fun times along the way. none of this changes the wonderful, charismatic person you are. you're just a little bit wiser - in the "life-learning" sense if not in the GPA sense. (BTW - my GPA from the first couple of years wasn't awesome either. i did much better when i got into the small, centralized classes for my major. having an easy major like sociology also helped.) oh and i have you beat - i gained 40 pounds this past year and there wasn't anything remotely stressful about it!!! life kind of sucks that way sometimes. but that is where i have to wholeheartedly agree with your mom. it's a victory because you are learning from it and have gained a new empathy for life, others or art (as she pointed out) that you would not have had otherwise.
@ chelsea - another jillian endorsement? i think i'm going ot buying the book or DVDs soon.
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